You were blind to them before and you didn't listen before either... do you really think he could not fool you again? That he wouldn't have been able to fool da ge for some time?
[ Huaisang focuses on his anger so he doesn't have to deal with his grief in front of Xichen. ]
What makes you think that you would treat me any differently than you did da ge when he tried? Would you make me feel like I am going mad? You can't... honestly believe that you can't be fooled again. Not with what he has always meant to you. Love makes even the wisest of men fools.
[ Lan Xichen, his brother... when has love not made one a fool? ]
[ Xichen considers the question, letting the anger flow past him - Huaisang has done (will do, this Huaisang hasn't) the worst to him that Xichen thinks he will. After a decade of watching in silence as Xichen failed him, and failed him again - he knows where Huaisang draws the line. So he is not afraid of Huaisang.
Only for him.
After a moment, he points out quietly, ] once he saw him, da ge never faltered in knowing. I will not, either.
[ You can't love with a dead heart, Huaisang. And Xichen's is very much that. ]
[ Xichen considers again, but as usual when asked about what he wants, he comes up empty. Even more so after it all came to light. He had wanted both da ge and - he had wanted both his sworn brothers. He had wanted for them to bring peace to each other. Later... he had wanted in the rare times when everything got too much, to have one person at least that he could, for a moment or two, lean on.
Selfish.
Xichen shakes his head very slightly. ]
Only for you, but they are things I know full well that are not mine to give. Peace. Happiness, even, though the full extent of it has been lost.
[ Had he the strength, Xichen would laugh at himself, bitterly, for how useless he is to give such things. After priding himself in it for so long. ]
[ Huaisang could almost see there were things unsaid but he couldn't bring himself to call Xichen on it. He doesn't have the energy to try to overcome his anger and the heavy feeling of betrayal that's drowning him. ]
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[ Huaisang focuses on his anger so he doesn't have to deal with his grief in front of Xichen. ]
What makes you think that you would treat me any differently than you did da ge when he tried? Would you make me feel like I am going mad? You can't... honestly believe that you can't be fooled again. Not with what he has always meant to you. Love makes even the wisest of men fools.
[ Lan Xichen, his brother... when has love not made one a fool? ]
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Only for him.
After a moment, he points out quietly, ] once he saw him, da ge never faltered in knowing. I will not, either.
[ You can't love with a dead heart, Huaisang. And Xichen's is very much that. ]
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What is it that you want from me, er ge?
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[ Xichen considers again, but as usual when asked about what he wants, he comes up empty. Even more so after it all came to light. He had wanted both da ge and - he had wanted both his sworn brothers. He had wanted for them to bring peace to each other. Later... he had wanted in the rare times when everything got too much, to have one person at least that he could, for a moment or two, lean on.
Selfish.
Xichen shakes his head very slightly. ]
Only for you, but they are things I know full well that are not mine to give. Peace. Happiness, even, though the full extent of it has been lost.
[ Had he the strength, Xichen would laugh at himself, bitterly, for how useless he is to give such things. After priding himself in it for so long. ]
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None of that is possible anymore.
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Many things seem impossible until they come to pass. And some truly are.
Even to those of us who are from a later time, it is not given to see the future. Right or wrong, you will need to find out for yourself.
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Mm.
[ And then in a moment of weakness... ]
I miss him.
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You of us all have the greatest right. I... do hope that the train is kind again, one day.